I talk to da trees...
Welcome to this Goon Show of a blog, where the natives (that's me) are friendly and the food is terrible. Just as well you're not here for the food. Just as well I'm not here for the food.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Goons, take 3 steps backwards, turn around and say after me in triplicate; "I have an eloquent bottom!" That should do the trick. Don't forget to send a carbon copy to the Ministry of the Interior (next door but one from the Ministry of the Exterior and down the road from the Ministry of Windows and Doors).
And what's all this got to do with photography? Only time will answer THAT question!
In the mean time, and let's face it time is so mean that it only let's us go forward, lets us consider the Ying Tong Song - "Ying Tong, Ying Tong, Ying Tong, Ying Tong, Ying Tong Diddle I Po!" I think I've got that right - please let me know if I haven't.
How would we deal with “the cat sat on the mat” if it appeared in the Bible?
The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted according to 21st century reinterpretation of the 19th century interpretation of the illuminated understanding of the impact of the industrial revolution on the manufacturing methods of mats and the knock-on effect it had on the evolutionary development of the cat.
This would lead to an immediate backlash from the Evangelicals. They would make it an essential condition of faith that a real physical, living cat, being a domestic pet of the Felix Domesticus species, and having a whiskered head and furry body, four legs and a tail, did physically place its whole body on a floor covering, designed for that purpose, and which is on the floor but not of the floor. The expression “on the floor but not of the floor” would be explained in a leaflet.
Meanwhile, the Catholics would have developed the Festival of the Sedentation of the Blessed Cat. This would teach that the cat was white and majestically reclined on a mat of gold thread before its assumption to the Great Cat Basket of Heaven. This is commemorated by the singing of the Magnificat, lighting three candles, and ringing a bell five times. This would cause a schism with the Orthodox Church which believes tradition requires Holy Cats Day [as it is colloquially known], to be marked by lighting six candles and ringing the bell four times. This would partly be resolved by the Catechism Council recognising the traditional validity of each.
Eventually, the House of Bishops would issue a statement on the Doctrine of the Feline Sedentation. It would explain, traditionally the text describes a domestic feline quadruped superjacent to an unattached covering on a fundamental surface. For determining its salvific and eschatological significations, they would follow the heuristic analytical principles adopted in dealing with the Canine Fenestration Question [How much is that doggie in the window?] and the Affirmative Musaceous Paradox [Yes, we have no bananas]. And so on, for another 210 pages.
The General Synod would then commend this report as helpful resource material for clergy to explain to the average person in the pew the difficult doctrine of the cat sat on the mat.
In the mean time, back to photography …
